Visiting Mr. and Mrs. Ski... Part 1

After extensive research, I discovered that Ull and Skade are the married Norse deities of skiing and other stuff like that. After more research, I discovered that they are also cousins...


Eeeeeeewww!!!!!!!


No wonder skiing sucks!


As I entered Ýdalir, the home of Ull, I saw a bountiful evergreen forest covered with a thick blanket of snow. There were several frozen lakes which I could tell were skated on many times. In the distance was a fairly large house. I was cruising along casually when all of a sudden an arrow shot passed me, missing me by a hair.


Well... that is... If I had hair.


If I were that new Bosh in the Wii game, who has hair, it would have totally missed me by a hair.

What was I saying? Oh right... almost hit by an arrow...


"Holy Crap!" I exclaimed, "That arrow missed me by the hair I don't have!"


Another arrow narrowly misses me.


"Why?" I questioned no one in particular, "Why do these arrows shoot at me? Who are you mysterious arrow shooter?"


"It is I," the mysterious arrow shooter said, "Ull."



"Ull?!!" I exclaimed.


"Ull," he confirmed.


"Ull..." I scowled.


"Ull," he repeated reduntantly


"I repeated reduntantly?" Ull said. "You started it!"


"Hey! I said that in the narration, not aloud! You're not supposed to respond to that!"


"Oh right... sorry."


"I forgive you."


"Really?"


"NO!"


"Feel the wrath of my arrows!"


"Eeeeeeek!"


He began firing yew arrows from his bow.


What can I do? I thought. Think, Bosh, think!


That's when I did what I do best...


Sledding!

I pulled out my portable sled, jumped on it, and maneuvered quickly through the snow easily dodging the arrows.


"Ha ha!" I exclaimed with excitement.


I laid down and began steering with my feet.


I was coasting along quickly yet smoothly when I suddenly heard loud drums playing from no where followed by a cheesy 1950's jingle-sounding singing voice saying, "George, George, George of the Jungle, strong as he can be!"


"Huh?" I said as I heard a yell from no where. "What is happen- Oh My God!"


Crash!


"Watch out for that tree!"


As you can tell I hadn't.


"Oooow," I moaned.


"Muhahahahahahahaha!" Ull declared triumphantly as he ran towards me. "You are no match for me!"


"What are you talking about?" I said. "You didn't beat me. The tree did."


"But it's my tree so that counts as me!"


"Uhhh... No it doesn't."


"Does too!"


"Does not!"


"Does too!"


"Does not!"


"Does too!"


"Does not!"


"Does too!"


"Does not!"


"WHAT IS ALL THIS YELLING ABOUT!" someone coming towards us from the house yelled.



I looked over to see who must have been Skade.


"Well... uhh... Cousin... err, I mean Dear," Ull stammered, "I was out walking the lands when I run into this kid."

He gestured toward me.

"And he was mean to me! So I took it upon myself of beating him to a pulp!"


"Heeey," I said.



"Shut up," he said under his breath.


I decided upsetting a god, even one as lame as this guy, was unwise and remained silent.


The deities began arguing in Norwegian.


I sat there, still in a little pain, watching them banter back in forth in the language of the people of Norway.


The argument got really boring and I fell asleep...